Beating leukaemia at 17
"
I was supposed to attend school on the 20th of April just like any normal day...
Photo: Nakanishi Shoi, 2020
... when I received a call from Singapore General Hospital to see the doctor. I had to be checked in immediately for treatment. Upon arriving, the doctor told me I had acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. Nothing went through my mind and my mother was crying. I didn’t even know what it was because I was ignorant at the time. I was young and didn’t know much about cancer.
in the hospital with a friend who visited
2016
That was in 2015 and I was turning 16 years old. I had to stop going to school and stay in the hospital.
..I was the youngest in the hospital ward..
Three months before the diagnosis, I was playing badminton with my friends. I jumped, and when I landed, I had a microfracture from my ankle to my knee. I went for an MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) scan and that was when the doctor said it had something to do with blood and not my bone, so he referred me to my specialist doctor. They did a bone marrow biopsy which led to my disease being discovered.
For this type of cancer, it is by chance and not a hereditary condition. After I was checked in, I had to go for a procedure the very next day. It was to insert a tube connected to the main artery near the heart to administer medication like chemotherapy drugs. I still had my braces on, so I also had to take an ambulance to go to the National Dental Centre to remove them in order to go through X-ray, MRI and ultrasound scans. In the first week, they gave me steroids every day to make sure there was no infection. It increased my appetite and made me want to eat more. The next week was a complete change. I had no energy; I was numb, and I felt nauseous. The nurses gave me injections through my stomach, spine and the tube every two to three days. For pain, I was given morphine, tramadol and Benadryl every six hours. One time, I had to visit a pain doctor because I reached a threshold of pain. I was immune to the drugs and they had to give me other drugs to keep up with my body’s pain management.
The stage before white blood cells become mature, it will mutate. It will multiply and eat up everything. There are a lot of these white blood cells that don’t function, and they start to destroy the useful ones. The chemotherapy basically kills the premature ones and prevents them from multiplying.
Six months after I started my treatment, my hair started falling off and I had a hip bone replacement. The steroids caused the bone to deform until it collapsed. From my knee to my hip, they inserted a titanium rod into the bone. It was like an aching, foreign object in my leg. I cannot do high impact activities anymore and cannot run nor jump. Cycling and swimming are the only sports I can do now. It was quite difficult for me to accept it but slowly I got used to it. I had to go through physiotherapy. It took me three months to learn how to walk again. Now I can’t play sports like basketball and badminton, my favorite sport, which was how I got the microfracture in the first place. I grew up playing it every day with my friends.
The one thing that kept going through my mind was the desire to be able to walk in the outside world freely. I kept asking when I will be able to walk again. I just wanted to walk normally in the shopping malls with my friends. I was isolated in the hospital room and couldn’t eat food from outside. That’s why I spent most of my time watching a lot of food vlogs because I wanted to travel and eat outside so badly. I was mainly using a walking stick or a wheelchair and did not have the freedom to walk. Sleep was an escape from reality, and it was tiring.
on a holiday in south Korea after treatment
2018
Photo: Nakanishi Shoi, 2020
I was not an affectionate kid, but I said...
‘I love you’ and cried
to my mother for the first time when I was in the hospital.
It was the first time I was receiving the stomach injection. I had a very bad stomach cramp and internally my body was randomly spazzing out. I hugged my mother closely and that was how we grew our bond with each other. It was the first step to showing affection towards her.
My parents are the ones who made an impact in my journey. They stuck with me the most and I became closer to them. One day, my dad was giving me my lunch and when he came into the hospital room, I asked him to put me to sleep. He was so shocked that he put his food down and he told me, “If God wanted you to die, he would have just given you a heart attack or a car accident. He wants you to go through this journey to give support to others and be a strength.” That was when I flipped my mindset to being more thankful that I had to go through this battle. I can relate to others and have a story to share. I took it as an opportunity that not many people have gone through. I was thankful for everything after that day happened.
I took every day step by step.
I didn’t look far ahead because I’ll only see how much of the treatment I would have left. Each day, I set my mind to prepare myself for the procedure on that day.
After 1.5 years, I could finally go home. I went to eat outside for the first time, but my taste buds were very weird. I started to like food I never liked before, like fish stomach, and I stopped eating laksa and mee rebus, which were dishes that I really liked. When the nurses took the tube out of my body, I was so happy. I always had to patch it up while showering and it was such a high maintenance thing. I felt total freedom. It was a significant moment for me. But I knew I was still tied to a regimen.
I had to make weekly visits, which became fortnight visits, then monthly visits, and sometimes I would be warded. I ate chemotherapy tablets instead. Six months later, I was finally cancer-free on the 20th of April 2017, exactly two years after I was diagnosed. I was so happy and thankful that I did not have to go through any more treatment. Now I go back every six months for an assessment.
going into phase 2 of chemo
2016
But I still had the leg issue, and I was 17 then in a 15-year-old class in school. I repeated half a year of Secondary 3. I was fit to go to school only to attend lessons, but I could not join physical education classes or any sports activities. I had to make new friends because I transferred to Hwa Chong International School. Thankfully, I made good friends there and it was more relaxed. My classmates volunteered to carry my school bag and help me through the term all the way through the International Baccalaureate (IB) program. While I was in the hospital, my groups of friends were preparing for the ‘O’ Level examination. The groups that would still talk to me became smaller in number over time. A handful of them are still quite close to me and until now, they’re my good friends. Since I was exempted from National Service, now some of my friends are back in the same batch as me in university where I see them around. I take part in competitions like Chinese chess, which my hall offers as a recreation. I have been playing it since I was young and sometimes I would play it with my mother too.
When I went out with my friends, I felt like a bit of a burden because I could not eat at certain raw food places or enjoy playing sports with them anymore, which was quite a big factor while growing up.
Since I couldn’t play sports,
I went to the arts and focused on music. I picked up guitar skills and singing.
Photo: Nakanishi Shoi, 2020
I performed for Teachers’ Day when I was in Hwa Chong International. Now in university, I joined the jam band and played for events like Halloween. I like to listen to R&B and rock, but I usually just play pop songs. Music is a very big part of my life now.
It’s also the thing that keeps me going.
It acts as therapy, something to express myself with whenever I am happy or sad. It helps me relieve stress also and it became a coping mechanism for me to immerse myself in music.
Every year in April, I choose to shave my head just to remind myself of what I went through. My big dream is to create a foundation to subsidise cancer patients. Chemotherapy is so expensive and the whole treatment costs about $150,000. I had insurance coverage, but for those who do not, the amount can be huge. Right now, I’m studying bio science. In the future, I want to be able to make drugs to help patients.
My faith became stronger. I was thankful because without it, I would not be who I am today. It was a second chance for me to study hard also. I used to just go through the fast-paced life but now I get to appreciate the little things which I think are more meaningful; to sit back and think. The lesson I took away is to be more thankful that we’re alive. To be able to breathe and just sit here is a privilege. It impacts me in my everyday life. I would do more adventures, and not stick to the norm of how things should go. It really broadened my perspective and I find myself exploring new things. I also became more empathetic to other people sharing their problems instead of dismissing them and I can relate better to others. To those going through a hard time, it can be scary, but take everyday step by step.
"
